Myths About Infertility

This is (the end) of Infertility Awareness Week. One of the things I do clinically is infertility/fertility counselling. This includes working with couples who have had miscarriages/infant loss, infertility, or are using sperm, egg, and/or embryo donors, and/or a surrogate, to become a parent. I also assist members of the LGBTQ community to become parents.

Here are some things we need to get straight about infertility:

1. Infertility/dropping fertility rates are a problem. A lot of people see declining populations as a good thing for the environment, etc. But this is not the case. Having a mostly aged population will mean fewer people around to continue the process of innovation (to actually solve all the messes we have created). And if the rates continue to decrease or even do not increase, within a few generations we could be toast. Okay, I know some people have lost so much faith in humanity that probably doesn't bother you, I get it...but seriously this is a real problem!

1. Stress does not cause infertility. This very deep seated myth is pure misogyny. There is a lot of data showing infertility causes stress and depression. But no good evidence that stress causes infertility. Sure, if your body is so physically stressed and not getting adequate fuel and/or recovery, you may stop ovulating, but that is rarely a cause of infertility I see among my clients. If women can conceive through rape, molestation, in abusive relationships, living in poverty, living in war zones/areas with high rates of violence, famines, etc., I hardly think being a lawyer, or being upset about having had 2 miscarriages is what is causing a woman's infertility. But because about 30% of cases are unexplained, this is where people jump in to say it must be due to stress and/or, of course, negative thinking. I am outraged by the number of predators out there who capitalize on this and fear monger women into paying them lots of money to remove their stress or fix their mindset so they will conceive.
   

2. Lifestyle is not everything. The number one determining factor for your chance of fertility success is age. Women's fertility begins to decline at 33 and by 40 its a shit-show. For men, it gets worse closer to 50. If you are 45, organic food, meditation and daily yoga won't do shit. The 3 things both men and women should avoid are cigarettes/cannabis, high levels of alcohol, and obesity. Ironically, while women are pressured to do acupuncture 3x week, take $500 of supplements a month, meditate, change their diet, etc., there is actually almost no evidence that egg quality can be improved (age is the thing that mostly determines egg quality, as well as individual genetic differences), but men can drastically improve sperm quality via diet and lifestyle (yet nobody gives men unsolitied advice around this shit).
   

3. Celebrities lie about their miracles babies. The Hollywood celebrities having babies in their 40s-50s almost for sure are using eggs they froze in their 30s or earlier, or are using donor eggs from a much younger woman.
   

4. Infertility is not a woman's issue. Men are just as likely to have fertility problems. But while infertility still has stigma attached to it, it is even worse for men so nobody talks about it. I try to reassure my clients that infertility is a medical issue, not a sign of your worth as a man, woman or human being.
   

5. Traditional is not better. The nuclear family bombed. If you think the only healthy environment for a child to be raised in is with heterosexual biological parents than you know nothing dude. In fact, research shows that, for example families with same-sex parents and/or those who have used donor conception, tend to be as emotionally healthy, if not more so than those resembling the Beaver Cleaver model. Why? No unwanted children are typically brought into these homes. There is a lot of time, thought, money and deliberation that occurs to create a family through this means. Family can look a million ways and the only thing that matters is love.